Results May Vary
by Sempai Sunny
Summary: Originally in the Worst Trigun Fic Ever...Rem attempted an experiment where Vash and Legato would switch brains, but it went horribly wrong. R&R!


Legato: Why do I have to be evil? T_\\

Wolfwood: And why am I not in this? O._?

Sunny: o.\\ Er, well, you see, I couldn't figure out a way to sneak Wolfie into this one, unless, you want to be a scientist?

Wolfwood: And be responsible for Vash's actions? I think not!

Sunny: Then shut up. ::holds dagger up to Wolfie:: And if you say anything more about this, I will be forced to bring Milly back.

Legato: I think we should. ::watches, semi-amused, the fight between Sunny and Wolfwood:: Anyway, Sunny doesn't own Trigun, and I figured that I better say it and get the story started because this has got to be the longest intro she's ever written. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must go remove a dagger from the hands of the insane. ::thinks for a second:: Oh yeah, she also doesn't own any strange monster movies this may resemble.

**Results May Vary**

            "Vash, please, cooperate with me on this one," Dr. Rem Saverem begged the tall, blonde man. "It's just for humor's sake."

            "Y-y-you want to switch m-m-my brain w-w-w-with _his?" Vash the Stampede stared at Legato Bluesummers, who was smirking, somewhat evilly. Meryl Stryfe watched with silent disbelief, shaking her head._

            "Vash, please, just get in the case. You won't feel a thing."

            Reluctantly, Vash slid into the long case, reminiscent of the coffin in Snow White. Meryl still couldn't believe this was actually happening. Since Milly and Mr. Wolfwood had left, inexplicably, leaving just a note behind, she'd had to put up with Vash all by herself.

            "Meryl, love, you might want to turn away. There's going to be a flash of light, and it may hurt your eyes." Rem said.

            'Why do people say that?' Meryl thought. 'It only provokes them to look.' She thought of a science class in middle school; the teacher lit a bit of magnesium ablaze, warning everyone not to look directly at it. Meryl had been seeing spots for a week.

            But, Meryl respected Rem enough that she stared down at her white boots while the experiment was going on. She was personally petrified of the thought of Vash being like Legato.

            At first, Knives was to be used in the experiment, but he was delayed at Dhmitrhi, and sent Legato in his place.

            The first thought that popped into Meryl's head about the reversed roles was Vash licking his hand. She shivered, despite the room temperature being near seventy degrees.

            Sure enough, there was a blinding flash, which caused Meryl to wince.

            "Okay, guys, you can come out now," Rem said.

            Legato pushed open the side hatch and slid out. "I think something went wrong," he said smoothly, raising his left hand to his face. He caressed it softly against his cheek.

            Meryl felt like throwing up. She silently prayed that Vash was all right.

            Vash followed Legato out. "Where's Knives?" he asked.

            'Oh no,' Meryl thought. 'He'd better be acting.'

            Vash raised his gun, and Legato smirked again. It was starting to drive Meryl nuts. She started to think that maybe the transfer hadn't worked entirely.

            Her suspicions were confirmed when Vash uttered, "Humans, how pathetic," and shot off his gun, aimed right at Rem.

            "You two, hide," she yelled at Legato and Meryl. Meryl dove into the now vacant case, where Vash had once lay. She could hear Legato laughing hysterically.

            She pressed her hands over her ears, to drown out the sound of insane laughter, gunshots, and Rem screaming.

            "Meryl!" She suddenly yelled, right next to the case. She slumped down, catching her breath.

            "Yeah?"

            "You remember mullets?"

            "Unfortunately,"

            "Well, unless you make a better attempt to protect yourself in there, you're going to have one."

            Meryl didn't quite grasp what this meant until she heard the crack of a gun. A bullet flew through the side of the case, centimeters above her. She tried to flatten herself into the bottom of the case, not screaming. Previous experience told her that screaming just provoked people such as Legato, because they enjoyed it, basked the furor of such a noise.

            The bullet passed through the other side of the case, missing Rem by a half-inch, and landed in the equipment, which caused it to start to short circuit. Meryl slid out of the case, and fumbled for a Derringer. She really could have used the Cross Punisher, or even just Milly's Stun Gun right about now.

            The Derringer would suffice for the time being. She grabbed one and quickly shot it at Vash's leg, hoping to impair the Humanoid Typhoon, at least for a few moments.

            Sure enough, the pain was enough to cause him to stop for a moment. Legato, on the other hand (A/N: pun so _not intended…ack -_\\) was still laughing psychotically, with that hideous grin on his face._

            'Don't scream, don't scream, don't scream,' Meryl thought to herself

            A scream erupted anyway. Except that it was Vash's.

            "Vash?" Meryl screeched. She frantically crawled across the floor over to the now-fallen man. He seemed to be crying.

            He wasn't making any sense at all. Suddenly, Meryl felt as though she'd been clubbed over the head with one of her Derringers. She fell backwards, fading into blackness.

            Meryl realized she was holding a tray of carrot sticks. 'Carrot sticks? What the?'

            'Take them to Vash,' a voice in her head ordered. 'Or do I have to make you do it myself.'

            Legato. It must have been his doing, the whole ordeal in the lab. How long ago had that been?

            Vash was lying on a bed in the next room, shivering. He was also mumbling to himself. Legato was leaning against the wall, studying his left hand closely.

            Meryl shot him a look as she brought the carrot sticks to Vash.

            "Vash?" she whispered, kneeling next to him.

            'Insolent girl. I didn't tell you to speak to him.'

            "You are not in charge of me," she said, not even turning around. "Vash, please, look at me."

            Vash kept his face shoved into the pillow. Meryl reached out to touch his cheek.

            "Go away," he muttered.

            "What's wrong?"

            "You shot me."

            Meryl leaned back on her heels. "Vash," she started. "I had to."

            "Who killed Rem?"

            "Rem?"

            "She's dead. Who killed her?"

            Meryl turned around, looking at Legato, who seemed to be preoccupied with tossing a key chain in the air and catching it.

            "I don't know, Vash."

            "Was it you?" he asked, turning to look at her. His aqua eyes were bright with hatred. "It only makes sense that if you shot me, you must have gone after her."

            'Come here, Meryl,' Legato ordered in her mind.

            "I'll be right back." She said, getting up and walking over to Legato. She demanded, "Why have you done this?"

            "I have done nothing, except restore his mind." Legato smiled, playing with the singed ends of Meryl's hair. The bullet had caught some of it, ripping it off. "It's his own fault that Rem died."

            "How did the accident happen?"

            "It never really did." He stroked her cheek. "I just played around with his mind for a bit. I thought it might be fun."

            "Bastard," she said, slapping his arm.

            He clicked his tongue in disapproval. "Meryl, you forget. Here, I am in charge. It would do you well to learn to use decorum.

            "And that would include not striking me." He watched her walk back over to Vash. "Or to be speaking with that person without my permission."

            "Vash," Meryl whispered, "Are you okay?"

            "Rem," he muttered. "Tell me what happened to her."

            'He wouldn't be able to handle the truth,' Legato mocked within Meryl's head.

            "You're evil," she snapped at him.

            'That would be a complement, in my world. Lie to him.'

            She couldn't though. Meryl had often found it extremely difficult to lie to Vash.

            "You did, Vash," she whispered, reaching out to touch him. She feared what effect the words would have on him. "You killed Rem."

            "I didn't! I never killed anybody!"

            "Legato made you,"

            'You aren't supposed to tell him that.'

            "He controlled you, making you kill Rem."

            "Liar!" Vash said, striking her on the cheek. "You're lying."

            She tried to find his gaze, but his eyes were clenched shut. Meryl couldn't think of anything to do, so she let her instincts overrule any logic.

            Meryl leaned into Vash and kissed him softly, catching the edge of his mouth. "Vash, I love you. Why would I lie to you about this?"

            "Because he's making you," he said, pushing her away.

            She grabbed his arm, pulling herself back towards him. "Vash, he's not doing anything except rant and rave at me."

            "You're lying."

            Meryl felt tears prick at her eyes. "I'm not. Vash, you have to believe me."

            She felt a heavy hand on her shoulder. 'Come, Meryl.'

            Meryl didn't move. 'Meryl, you will get up now, or I will make you.'

            "Never," she whispered angrily. But, she felt herself getting up and follow him out of the room.

            "What have you done to him?" Meryl asked, the tears in her eyes threatening to overflow.

            "I've told you, nothing." His golden eyes met hers. "Anything that happens now is of his free will."

            "Then why won't he believe me?"

            Legato chuckled. "He's been around the humans too long. Do you really think I am able to explain this to you?"

            Meryl was furious. "How can you say these things about humans, where you are one yourself?" She reached out to hit him.

            Legato caught her arm in mid-swing. "I thought I told you it would be advised not to strike me."

            Meryl lowered her eyes to the ground. "Yes, sir,"

            Legato was amused. "Well, it didn't take long to break you, now, did it?" He moved his hand from the crook of her elbow to her shoulder, smiling slightly.

            "That's what you think," she hissed, breaking loose. She walked back into the room where Vash lay, despite Legato yelling at her.

            She once again knelt next to him, noticing that some of the carrot sticks had apparently been eaten. She kissed the side of his mouth again. "Vash, I'm sorry." she whispered, curling into a ball next to the bed.

            Meryl felt something soft hit her. 'Put these on. Your clothes are filthy.'

            She looked at the clothes Legato had apparently tossed at her. It was merely a pair of shorts and a camisole.

            "If either of you look, you're dead," she said, seriously, walking to the far side of the room, the only place where she could really change her clothes.

            'It's not like there's anything to see, Meryl,' Legato mocked. 'Wait.' He crossed the room to her, making Vash sit up with his mind.

            "You two have until I get back to find another bedroom, and be situated. It's almost midnight, and I expect you both to be quite fresh tomorrow morning."

            Vash didn't say anything, just watched Meryl.

            Meryl broke his grip on her arm. "What do you mean by that?"

            "Let's just say you'll be seeing your precious Milly Thompson and Nicholas Wolfwood again if you comply." he said, smiling softly down at Meryl. "Unless, of course, you'd prefer another option?"

            Legato walked out of the room. 'Of course, if you do, Meryl, just go upstairs.'

            Meryl had a feeling she knew what that entitled.

            "So, we're basically his slaves," Vash whispered.

            "Not if we get out."

            "We do and he kills Milly and Wolfwood."

            Meryl picked up the clothes he gave her. "Not if we find them first." She walked out of the room.

            Vash was right behind her. "You're crazy, you know that?" he said, restraining her by holding on to her shoulder.

            "Let go of me," she ordered.

            "You'll be killed." Vash whispered, now holding her with both hands.

            "And you'll be the one to pull the trigger, knowing him."

            Vash turned Meryl around and stared at her. "You really are crazy. I wouldn't."

            "He'd make you. Just like with Rem."

            Vash glanced down solemnly. "I understand."

            "You'd better," Meryl said, shaking free, "or we're going to be dead."

            Hearing footsteps on the stairs, Vash pushed Meryl into the nearest room. Inside lay a single pallet.

            "Well, that wouldn't have been my personal choice, but, to each their own." Legato said, laughing. "Meryl, I thought I told you to change."

            "It's not like you gave me any time," she snapped.

            "Then do it now." he said, turning away.

            Meryl quickly changed into the other clothes, finding them to be slightly more comfortable than her white blouse and skirt.

            "Fine," Legato murmured, still amused. "If the arrangement you have chosen dissatisfies you, there is a room upstairs that Meryl can have."

            "I think this'll be fine," Meryl said calmly. 'Lech,' she snapped mentally.

            'I disapprove of lechery. I just think you may be above an average laborer.' Legato stroked her cheek again before leaving.

            Vash watched Meryl as she slumped down against the wall. "Are you sure you don't want the bed?"

            "You can have it."

            "We could share it," he whispered. "It's big enough."

            Meryl glanced over at it for a second. "I'd rather find Milly and Mr. Wolfwood."

            "Don't bother," Vash whispered. "They're dead, or will be soon."

            "How do you know?" Meryl demanded.

            Vash shook his head. "Wolfwood didn't write that note."

            "But it was his handwriting. You said so yourself."

            "It didn't sound like him. It wasn't his pattern of speech, and some of the words in it I'd never heard him say before. Besides, why would he and Milly just up and leave?"

            That was a question that frequently haunted my mind.

            "Legato's been holding them here. I saw them."

            "When?" I asked, hoping I might have been able to find them.

            "Meryl, it doesn't matter. It's just us now."

            "Then why can't we just leave? He promised we'd see them again if we stayed."

            "He never promised that they'd be alive."

            "Then why can't we just leave?"

            "When he's awake?" Vash sighed. "Whatever it is you take, Meryl, give me some as soon as get away."

            I gave him a Look. 

            Vash sat there for a second, seeming to be deep in thought. "Now," he whispered. "I think he's asleep."

            "How can you tell?" I demanded, watching him crack open the window.

            "Don't ask questions right now." he said, sliding through. I heard him fall to the ground.

            "Jump out. I'll catch you, I promise."

            I walked over to the window, slightly afraid. "Are you sure?" I asked, barely glimpsing him in the pitch blackness of the night. The moons all seemed to be in the new phase, and there weren't any stars out, either.

            "Meryl, this was your idea. Come on," he hissed.

            I shrugged and slid out the window. And landed flat on my butt. Vash was lying sprawled out on the ground.

            "Where do you think you two are going?" I heard Legato laugh above us.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wolfwood: o.O_? You didn't have to KILL me.

Sunny: But, I never said that you were.

Legato: Then again, she never said you were alive, either.

Wolfwood: o.o;_? Uh, Sunshine, what happens to Meryl and Vash?

Sunny: ::blinks:: Huh? Oh. I didn't think about that. Maybe I'll have to give this a second part. That is, if that's what the readers want…

Legato: Can I kill them? The power of death truly is quite intoxicating.

Sunny: Maybe, just maybe, I'll let you kill someone.

Legato: ^_\\ Yum.

Wolfwood: YUM? We're talking about my life here!

Sunny: Nicky, you die in just about every story I write. And you're still here.

Wolfwood: Good point…

Sunny: Hear that all of you out there in reader land? If we get five reviews, we'll tell you what happens to Vash and Meryl. Oh, and Bokushi-san, too, since we love him so much.

Ecaep dna evol, Sunny


End file.
